Leo Lunar Cycle: Welcoming Our Rejected Selves

Well, we’re coming to the end of this relatively rare triple-whammy of an eclipse period, with this New Moon.  Here’s how it all went down:

1. New Moon and Solar Eclipse at 20° Cancer on 12th/13th July
2. Full Moon and Lunar Eclipse at 4° Aquarius on 27th/28th July
3. and now this New Moon and Solar Eclipse at 18° Leo, on Saturday 11th August at 2.58am (PDT), 5.58am (EDT) and 7.58pm (AEST).

The conversation with life has therefore been loud for many of us!  I appreciated reading an article on eclipses by Susan Miller of Astrology Zone.  She frames things this way:

“No matter what occurs, it will become evident that the universe is intent on moving you forward. Eclipses often mark a major turning point.”

I resonated with the sense of being ‘pushed’ into clarity by life and certain situations, compelled to act on my truth regardless of how unpalatable it was to others, as well as able to see things in a new light.

What’s been arising for you over this potent time?  What truths have called for expression?  How have you been ‘pushed’ forwards in life (or not)?

 

Sister-kin: Leo & Aquarius

For the last month, we’ve been embodying this conversation between Leo and Aquarius, playing out in these two most recent eclipses.

Anyone with planets or bodies in these signs may have felt like the volume turned up even louder!

(If you don’t yet have your natal chart, and want one, head over to astro.com, plug in your birth details, and see what planets/points falls near 20° Cancer, 4° Aquarius and 18° Leo for you!)

Leo and Aquarius lie opposite each other on the celestial belt that encircles our planet.  These two constellations are opposites, and therefore kin.

Aquarius is concerned with culture and community, and the ways in which the groups we are part of can embrace our unique (non-mainstream) instincts, questions and ideas, or not.

Is there room for us to be different, and yet still welcomed?

Leo is concerned with expression and self, and the ways in which the groups we are part of can witness and celebrate us in the fullness of our gifts, or not.

Is there room for us to shine, and yet still be welcomed?

Such kindred questions of belonging and acceptance, inherently linked to the experience of connection and community.

 

Book: Belonging by Toko-Pa Turner

Given we were moving to Canada, I put off buying (most of the) books that crossed my path in the first half of this year, attempting to be practical in light of my baggage allowance.

And therefore, it has been a delight, upon arriving here, to stock up on a number of them – my list was rather long!

(My husband rolls his eyes at times but honestly, why would I hold back from learning, from receiving the nourishment of new ideas that resonate and ripple through my body?  Or from partaking of stories that take me deeply out of my yang/work headspace, as a form of rest?)

It’s no coincidence I picked up Belonging, by Toko-Pa Turner, in the middle of this Leo-Aquarius eclipse conversation, as I and my family settle into a new place.

This book speaks directly, and with such precise insight and lyrical compassion, to the concerns and conundrums of self and community, oneself in community.

To put it simply: READ IT!  It’s important.  If you’ve signed up for these emails, I’ll hazard a guess you care about the deep nourishment of knowing our place and weaving our belonging…

What books or sources of insight have you felt drawn to, during this eclipse time?  What new ideas have enlivened you?

 

Two Questions

At the Full Moon two weeks ago, my spiritual community here in Steinbach seeded this question:

What am I ashamed of?

Wow, that’s a laser-beam, pointy eclipse question right there!  An awareness-raising spark that illuminated a whole bunch of past experiences.

What arose felt somehow surprising to me: I am ashamed of my self-doubt.

This self-doubt feels so real, fully ‘evidenced’ within me.  I’m not old enough, wise enough, extroverted enough, experienced enough, etc, etc.  Clearly, not enough!

Yet I’ve also been conditioned to think that I’m wrong to doubt.  Everyone else who living their offerings is 100% confident, aren’t they??  They sure look like it…

I guess that’s impostor syndrome, right there.

And this is all part of that Leo/Aquarius conversation: Leo rarely doubts herself, she knows she can shine; Aquarius often doubts herself, she knows the true power lies in the group, that the whole is greater than the sum of its parts.

 

Welcoming our Rejected Selves

One of the things Toko-pa writes, in Belonging, is this incredible statement:
“Those aspects of yourself that you discarded, set aside, ignored, and discouraged are the very things to which you must cling.  The collective depends on the aggrandising of your rejected qualities.”  (p. 78)

Now, that word, ‘aggrandising’ made me feel uncomfortable right away – I’ve spent a lifetime, as the Aquarius Sun that I am, attempting to avoid any such Leonine behavior, anything that could be deemed as obviously egotistical and self-promoting.

Heaven forbid people see me as an attention-seeker! 
Heaven forbid I post too many selfies and come across as self-consumed!
Heaven forbid I’m so busy with myself, I become oblivious to the stories of others!

Ah, under this final eclipse, this question again:

What am I ashamed of?  What of myself have I rejected?

So not only am I ashamed of my self-doubt, I am ashamed of my desire and need to be seen.

 

On Aggrandising

I looked up the meaning of aggrandising, just to be ultra-clear (and yes, I missed my favourite fat dictionary, which didn’t [yet] make it into my suitcase – I hate relying on Google for such things!).

‘To aggrandise’ means “to increase the power, status or wealth of,’ or “to enhance the reputation of (someone, something) beyond what is justified by the facts.”

Therefore, if what Toko-Pa says is true, then I can experiment with turning my internal voices on their heads!

My community needs my playful, awkward, shiny Self, to inspire them to live with joyful reverence and deep delight, powerful antidotes for #mainstreambrainwashing.

My community needs my impostor Self, because she’s great at creating connection and dispelling misconceptions of what ‘success’ looks like.  #tryingfailingtryingfailingtrying #nosuchthingasfailure

My community needs my self-promoting Self, cos otherwise how will my helpful offerings reach those who need them?  #getoveryourself and #spreadtheword

My community needs my doubting, self-questioning Self, to keep me humble and mindful, cos then I’m a safer, more loving person for all those who cross my path.  #together

It’ll take me a while to live Toko-pa’s invitation with ease, but for now at least, I can hold these new possibilities and questions, and allow them to shape who I become.

What are you ashamed of?

How is your community hungry for and depending upon your rejected qualities?

 

Dream-Channel

At the eclipse Full Moon, two weeks ago, I wake from a dream in which I am part of The School of the Widely Open Heart.  That was it’s name!  I felt very blessed by my subconscious self, to be handed such a hopeful idea.

I am at once deeply drawn to this symbol, a place of such learning!  I know I am part of this school already, in my life in general, and in my work with The School of Shamanic Womancraft.

But I am also scared of how much is required, how I am guaranteed to fail in openness-of-heart, over and over again.

Self-belief and self-doubt, hand in hand…  and regardless of this wrestle, I walk the path.

This wrestle IS the path!

 

Full Circle

The irony of all these musings is that I come full circle back to my (1st eclipse) New Moon in Cancer prayer, named with the women of Québec, following a potent letting go of fear ritual:

I was not called because I am perfect, or know enough.
I heard the call, it is as simple as that.
And I am strong enough to take the next step.

My best attempt to date at weaving the medicine of Leo and Aquarius together…

 

Time to Shine

And so, if the opportunity of a New Moon is to call in that which we feel to be true and good and beautiful, to call in our Soul’s next unfolding, then what seeds will we plant this month, borne from the laserbeam intensity and insights flowing in from the last cycle?

It’s a New Moon in Leo, time to shine, for the good of all our relations, truly the medicine of Leo and Aquarius, the medicine of self and community.

 

New Moon Prayer

On that note, as inspiration and benediction, a prayer from Toko-Pa, to bless us on our way into this new lunar cycle…  with deep gratitude for her gift of words and writing…

For the rebels and the misfits, the black sheep and the outsiders.

For the refugees, the orphans, the scapegoats, and the weirdos.

For the uprooted, the abandoned, the shunned and invisible ones.

May you recognize with increasing vividness that you know what you know.

May you give up your allegiances to self-doubt, meekness, and hesitation.

May you be willing to be unlikeable, and in the process be utterly loved.

May you be impervious to the wrongful projections of others, and may you deliver your disagreements with precision and grace.

May you see, with the consummate clarity of nature moving through you, that your voice is not only necessary, but desperately needed to sing us out of this muddle.

May you feel shored up, supported, entwined, and reassured as you offer yourself and your gifts to the world.

May you know for certain that even as you stand by yourself, you are not alone.

Sending much love!

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