LSJ: Pisces New Moon cycle

Wanted to share another example from my experience using the Lunar Solar Journal in the hopes that it helps you adapt this resource to whatever you need it to be!  (The Lunar Solar Journal is a monthly and seasonal invitation to reflect on your life and plant new ‘soul seeds’!)

I’m not quite finished digesting the Pisces New Moon cycle (March/April) – I’d like to draw or write up what emerged, in some kind of creative way.  Perhaps I won’t even manage to return to it, given the fullness of life.  But the clarity I’ve received so far feels valuable – an existential sighing outbreath to have articulated my truth to myself.  The truth of a moment, and then things shift…

I had a window of time one evening when the house was quiet.  Other jobs were clamouring to be done (as always).  I decided to see what I could do in half an hour or so.

My circular map was very full – so much had happened!  I could see the highs and lows, the stretch of living at such a pace.  I ‘distilled the cycle’, writing down whatever words caught my eye, or resonated within.

Just like last time, I became interested in a dichotomy of ‘positive’ and ‘negative’ experiences.  I felt influenced by the cycle I was currently living (Aries New Moon – April/May) with its intense (fiery) ‘rollercoaster ride’ feeling.  My hand started drawing a container for some of the words, which ended up looking like a yoni.

FullSizeRender

That got me thinking about what I am birthing, how some deeply delightful things are emerging in my life – sacred humour, spiritual lineage, more art, wild healing – true magic coming through largely in my ‘work’ life.

And yet I have also been wrestling with the ways in which my life is not these things, the ways in which I struggle to live these things daily, especially in my home life and in my relationship with my partner.

“If this is a birth,” I thought, “then I am in a crisis of confidence.”  This oriented and grounded me, locating myself in my birthing experiences that I have spent much time reflecting on.  It felt easier to accept my current pained status.  These words spilled onto the page, a flowing combination of insights from the Pisces cycle, and emotional intensity from the Aries cycle

rip and shatter
if this is a birth
then i am tearing
tearing

weeping all the way around the wheel

it is too big for me
for my ego at least
this ego is breaking
grabbing at any structures
trying to stay afloat
broken wreckage sinking down
down into the depths

here i am
once again
what lies beneath
this recurring motif
there’s bones down here

but how the f*** to dance with them
unless this is the dance?
awkward, jarring
jagged, scratchy
crying tears
kind of dancing
alone and bereft kind of dancing

if this is a birth
then this is a crisis of confidence
I am going to be split open
I cannot be mother to this inner child

I will break

~~~

Not a neat piece of poetry, but a raw capturing of how I was feeling in the moment.  It helped me make sense of the pain I was feeling, reminding me to trust the process, to trust that the parts of me that felt like they were dying were making way for valuable new ways of being…

In naming my own intensity, I could feel it shift, feel myself gentle and soften…  (and cried some more!)  I haven’t yet explored any creative possibilities emerging from this new awareness, but I hope to soon.

How are your own lunar cycle reflections?   🙂

Share this post

Share on facebook
Share on twitter
Share on linkedin
Share on pinterest
Share on print
Share on email